So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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