That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
