just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
