one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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