I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
