...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
