I wannas sexs uuuuu
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
