He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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