youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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