I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
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I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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