I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize