if you like me you must not know who I am
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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