i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We just shotgunned beers for America
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
