I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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