Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
