he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There are leaves in my underwear?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
