Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
kristin has been a bad kristin
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Someone signed my nipple.
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