Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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