the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
