I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
