..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
