k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
