I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
