i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
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If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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