i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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