one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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