her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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