The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I need a beard to bite.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
