I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
