I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
