Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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