fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
