i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
