If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
