I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
