life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
