Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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