Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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