Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
