You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
