If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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