we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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