How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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