All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it