his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
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He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
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I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night