I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
