if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
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If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.