I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe