It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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