I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
