its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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