Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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