Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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