drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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