Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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