dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
