my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
