I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize