At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
