He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
