so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
