did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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