So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
