I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
