Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
