Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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