I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
