dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
